Excuse me, but can you give me directions?

I think I made a wrong turn back there somewhere

Photo by Antonio Feregrino on Unsplash

This essay was originally published when I was just dipping my toe into the Substack pool to see if I liked the temperature. I recently went back and read it, and realized I am feeling like I am again at a crossroad in life.

My city and community burned down to the ground. Gone in a few hours, decimated by a hellacious fire storm. A hurricane of flame.

My country is becoming unrecognizable, yet all too recognizable at the same time. Chaos is everywhere, everything, all at once.

So again, I stand at a crossroad.

For Christmas this year my teenager asked for a monitor stand for her desk. Santa (her aunt) got the one she chose. She was so happy to see it and assembled it immediately, repositioning it a few times until she was satisfied. Sometime later in the day I hear “Mom! They gave me all these screws with the stand. Where should I put them?” I looked over to see the unopened packet of hardware in her outstretched hand. My first response was “Did’ya read the directions?”

Why do we as humans often think we know better than everything and everybody. We don’t need to ask for directions (GPS is not always right people!) we just drive around aimlessly until we find our destination. We don’t need to read the assembly directions because we can just put it together the way we want.

This is an IKEA world now, we just put it all together and hope that it stands on its own.

The problem with not reading those directions, with leaving those parts behind, with putting things together and just hoping they hold is that they never do. Eventually things fall apart because they were never whole. Just like when we live our lives out of balance, parts of us unfulfilled or left out, we fall apart because we are not whole.

I’m trying really hard to learn this lesson, as are many of you with too much on your plates, or mental health issues that are being ignored or neglected. Maybe this fucking insane world we live in right now is disheartening you as it is me. Maybe you’ve never been whole.

I am at a crossroads in my life again, and dammit why doesn’t anyone tell you when you are young that you will come to many crossroads and pivots in your life? Crossroads don’t come with directions. You have to figure out which road to take to continue your journey. Sometimes the universe chooses which way you will go, willingly or unwillingly. Either way, you’re going.

Right about now I could use some directions, something to tell me which road to take. And yes I truly believe the universe sends you signs to show you where to turn, but I’m dense as fuck sometimes and miss those cosmic messages all the time. I need something in writing, a book called Life Directions for Dummies. Maybe a billboard on the side of the road, or Las Vegas style marquee flashing in brightly colored letters.

So tell me readers, where do you find your directions for life? Leave me a comment and let me know.