My Community Burned Down

And I Can’t Seem To Process It

Photographer unknown

as I write this in the motel 6

a man outside yells to his dogs to sit down, to calm down

like my car

his car is filled with what we could grab

as the evacuation alarm

blared from our phones

at 3:30 am 1/7/2025

that was the last time I saw my house

can you really distinguish 

what is truly important 

when all you can do is react

to a situation you have no control over

Mother Nature said

                                   “I own this bitch!”

and proceeded to show us she did indeed

own this bitch known as Altadena

my home for my entire life

even if I lived somewhere else 

1966 it became our home

I was just 3 years old

I was raised there

as I now raise my daughter

three generations 

four generations 

    if you count when my grandmother lived in the house in her 90’s

my story is the story of Altadena
   multiple generations
       multiple cultures and languages
            multiple religions

but all Altadenans

 incomes ranging from poor to wealthy 

but all Altadenans

people make jokes about not being

a rocket scientist 

but Altadena is full of them

thanks to Jet Propulsion Laboratory being our neighbor 

we were a community

we ARE a community 

from the ashes we will rise again

not greedy 
     land grabbing
         Opportunistic 
                real estate developers, also known as motherf***ers

who are already swooping down like the

turkey vultures I see flying

alongside the red tailed hawks

but the TRUE community

those who know Altadena intimately 

those whose childhood schools burned

those whose favorite stores are reduced to rubble

those whose church has been erased from the landscape

those who knew you

even if they only knew you because you went to 
   church
      school
          dated
               worked with
                     lived across the street from

their mother father brother sister aunt uncle cousin neighbor 

while physical homes may be lost

the real home of Altadena 

lies within the communities HEART
   blackened by toxic ash and soot
      broken but still beating

I consider myself blessed

through I haven’t seen my home in a week

I still have a home to return too

I am overwhelmed with survivors guilt

my house spared the inferno

but not multiple friends
   classmates
      store clerks 
         pastors
             teachers
                 firefighters
                    

I don’t want to have a meltdown

but feel it is inevitable 

when I am able to return to my house

and my home of Altadena

Photo taken from my back porch 1/6/2025 before I evacuated